I've always had mixed feelings about Christmas. Each year, Christmas is beautiful, delicious, disappointing, underwhelming, joyous, irritating, and even sometimes spiritual for me. All at the same time.
I guess I hate the ideas of holidays when you're supposed to be happy. What if you're not?
This year wouldn't be the first that I have found myself feeling unhappy on Christmas.
The problem is, I rarely get through an entire day without a single negative thought (nobody does), but on Christmas those thoughts make me feel guilty, ungrateful, and like I am not a part of the Christmas joy that everyone is experiencing.
But as I lie in bed alone tonight drinking my favorite tea and watching Christmas movies, I have found peace with the idea that Christmas really is special. This year, I'm treating Christmas like I have promised myself I would treat everything else in my life in 2013. This year I gave up on setting unreasonable expectations for myself, and instead trying to focus on small accomplishments, small joys, and small setbacks.
Christmas is just like everything else that's good in life. Just like family, recovery, relationships, self-love, and balance, Christmas is not always perfect, easy, and good. There are bumps, there are negative feelings, and there are tense moments. But Christmas is special because we are all hoping for it to be good. For one day, we can look at the good things in our lives and remember that they're still there.
From my family to yours, Merry Christmas. May you always be able to find the good things in your life.
(Here are some of mine)