Your value cannot be explained by your weight, and your happiness cannot be measured in the same way you measure the circumference of your thighs. You are not loved because you have the self-control to not eat for two days, and you are not admired because you can hide that you have not eaten.
There are things that matter more than being admired. Being loved is not something you earn.
I know things have been tough lately, and you've been not eating, then binge eating, then not eating, then not feeling so good, but things are going to be okay. Eat food, eat good foods, eat all foods. Rules are more like guidelines anyways. If you make rules for yourself break them.
You are allowed to eat on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
You are allowed to eat after 4pm.
You are allowed to eat white foods.
You are allowed to do whatever the hell you want.
People will think you're beautiful even if you don't look thin.
It's okay if today you don't look thin. It's okay if people don't think you're beautiful.
It's going to be okay.
Just because you're not underweight doesn't mean you don't deserve to acknowledge that something is wrong. Just because other people don't see you and think you're sick doesn't mean you shouldn't acknowledge that you are.
You can acknowledge that someone with schizophrenia, or diabetes, or cancer is sick without knowing what they feel like. People will not know what you feel like. That doesn't mean you aren't sick.
You will make mistakes. You will eat way too much or way too little some days. You are going to weigh more some days, you are going to weigh less some days. Your stomach will be round, and flat, and all different shapes. Your thighs will touch.
It will be okay though.
You will be okay.